Journal page from last week while hubby was away
I was hoping to write this earlier however this week has turned out to be a pretty dizzy one. Last week however turned out to be an unexpectedly good week.
A few months ago hubby told me he had been asked to go to Amsterdam for the week to big trade show. I will admit I got pretty upset, he hadn’t been away from home since he went to America with work in 2006 and while he was away my dizziness started. So I am sure you can imagine I was afraid. I prayed about it and knew that I couldn’t ask him not to go even though I really really wanted to and I knew that he wouldn’t go if I did. So I said OK. I put my trust in God.
I then put it in the back of my mind, if I am honest I kinda thought it wouldn’t happen. I was worried but I reminded myself that I had help I have never had before in the Lord. I prayed for support and help for that week and I left it there. I soon found people offering to come and stay with me and visit me, I was still scared but that comforted me.
So Monday morning came and I got upset, I didn’t freak out like the the last time though. My sister came to see me in the afternoon and there were no tears we just chatted and actually had a nice time. My Mum came to stay with me most nights which was wonderful as she prayed with me and we talked about the The Lord, I could feel his presence with us. On the Tuesday night we actually walked to the shop! I was so surprised and we both said we felt like we were on holiday
Wednesday I had a friend stay over and my Pastor from church came to see me. I started to feel a bit dizzier by then (which this week has gotten quite a bit worse hence this post being late) but I still had a lovely time with them. Thursday was a harder day as I woke up to a vertigo attack, it was to be expected as I don’t usually go a week without having one. When my friend left I just sat and prayed and the Lord comforted me and helped me though. By the time my Mum came that night I felt better in myself, still pretty dizzy though. That night my sister actually took me out in her car to fetch Mum which was a huge blessing to get out ( I really wasn’t expecting to be able to get out at all that week). Friday afternoon and Tuesday afternoon my little sister came and she always makes me laugh. I have to say I was pretty overwhelmed by how many people wanted to help me, I didn’t ask for any of it. Plus I received lots of support from online friends too. I think I had one wobbly moment in the week and a lovely friend online was there to help.
How I was this time compared to last time was like night and day, just knowing the Lord was there helped me a great deal and He gave me the strength to heat up the meals my hubby left me with hardly any help and just enjoy spending time with those I love. The last time he went away even though I spent time with family I cried almost constantly and couldn’t appreciate being with them. This time was very different.
This has meant I have been able to put a huge fear to rest and that awful experience from when he went to America behind me. I can honestly say last week was a life changing experience for me and healing one. I know I was still ill while he was gone but if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have known if I could have coped with him being away while ill. I know this week wouldn’t have turned out the way it did without the Lords help and that I would have asked him not to go if I hadn’t been guided not too. I am so grateful to Him.
I am grateful to my friends and family too, thank you for being there for me. Considering a year ago I had cut all my family out as I couldn’t cope with seeing them I think we have come a long way. And as I look back I can see all the things the Lord did that felt uncomfortable at the time but have turned out for my own good. I pray I don’t forget this lesson.
N.b – Sorry for the poor grammar and bad sentence structure in this post. I hope you understand it ok!