Update

I have been wanting to pop by and do an update for a few days now but I am unsure of what to say, truth is a lot has happened. Life is changing everyday and it’s all going a little too fast for me to record. I have gone from sitting in the same chair day in and out for years hardly going out to doing at least one thing a day, I still need rest days but even on those days I can still do a small task such make a drink or something. I am finding that I have pushed myself a bit far a couple for times as this is all new to me. I am having to take it slow but its still a faster pace than I am used to.

I thought I would just give you some highlights of the past several weeks (March and April so far)

3 hospital trips, I managed to do a CT scan last week which I am still a little amazed by as I still can not lie down properly. It was definitely an amazing experience one I will probably share in more detail later.

Gardening, I have been helping hubby in the garden mainly cuppa making duties but I have helped paint the poor neglected shed and have helped do a little digging. And yes that’s me painting a shed!! I am aware I look pretty rough (I haven’t looked well in a long time) but I don’t care because, yay, I am painting a shed!!

Last week I painted our upstairs doors, that too I am still a little amazed by though I did need to rest lots afterwards and lots of rest in between. I am finding that I can get up and do things in little spurts then I sit for a bit then do some more. Which is so amazing.

I have been in a few shops, this I am really excited about as I had gotten very afraid of going out as all the stimulation was too much but I have been in a few quiet shops and even bought my nephews a present myself for the first time since they were born! That was such a blessing. I bought them some car shoes.

I have also managed to visit some family. Hubby has been taking taking me out to these places not quite there to go on my own just yet but I am feeling so more hopeful than I ever have that one day I will be able to get out and about properly on my own. However I have been on a little walk out alone recently (today in fact, its so beautiful out there). The picture above is of my sisters little Chihuahua who was very interested in the biscuit I was eating.

Uni work, I have finished my first assignment for this module which was only 2 weeks late! Believe me compared to the last module that is a great improvement. I have a learning log/blog that I write here if anyone is interested in what I am doing.

So, as you can see a lot has happened, some of this is thanks to the fact that I have help cleaning now and that hubby is so willing to take me out to try new places. I have finally admitted I need help and I am very glad I did :)

And of course I couldn’t do anything without Jesus, today for example I stood at the top of a hill I hadn’t walked down in many years, I felt dizzy looking down and started to panic, I breathed and reminded myself of what He has done for me so far, that He has always been there for me and I felt His presence next to me reassuring me that I would be ok so I fought the urge to turn back and guess what, I was ok. (I took the pic once I had calmed down a little) I know a lot of people would think this is all in my head, something I am used to being accused of throughout my illness also. I am ok with that because, like my illness (which is now being proved via tests) I know it’s not and I will continue to look to Him for help and support as I receive it when I do. As will anyone who asks with a heart that wishes to seek Him.

Psalm 18:46 - NIV

God Bless

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Journaling

March has ended up being a fairly quiet month online, I will share what I have been doing soon. I have had this week off as hubby has been off work and I wanted to spend time with him. Things have been slowly getting busier this year and we both needed a break.

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Today however I would like to share my journaling practice with you. You may have noticed that I have been sharing my pages on my wordless Wednesday series. I have been creating this way for a few years now but when I came to Christ He started to use it as a way to help me in my bible studies and getting to know Him more, help me to remember the lessons He has for me as well as a way to pray and worship.

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I have never been interested in creating finished pieces of art in this way I have always used it as a way of exploration and now it has an added meaning to me. I dedicate it to the Lord and I am so grateful to Him for the enjoyment I get from creating.

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When you come to the Lord Jesus He takes you just as you are and He uses whatever situation you are in for His glory. We change  as we learn more about Him and allow the Holy spirit to change us (some changes happen instantly, such as the joy and peace only found in knowing Him). He will always use whatever gifts He has given us to use for His glory and to bring us closer to Him. For me, the enjoyment I get from being creative is one of those gifts. I don’t claim to be any good but that isn’t the goal.

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I enjoy this form of creativity more now than I ever have, it has more meaning to me now and I get so much more out of it.

I have shared this before I think but before I came to Christ I felt useless, everywhere I looked the media and society seemed to think that those of us who couldn’t work were lazy scroungers. I felt like I wasn’t contributing to anything and useless to the world.

The Lord has changed that, He has given me a purpose and that purpose is to live for Him, the best purpose there is. I used to care what others thought. Even though it was something that made me feel uncomfortable I allowed myself to be taken in by lies that we need to be earning lots of money and qualifications to be happy and for others to respect us. I tied myself up in knots trying to fit in and now I feel free :)  Its wonderful. I don’t have to impress anyone, I don’t have to do anything. Everything I do for the Lord is because I want to and I love it. He doesn’t ask anyone to come to Him or to do anything for Him out of duty. That is not what being a Christian is about at all. Everything we do is a response to His love. My heart sings with joy knowing that everything I love doing that is pleasing to Him He will use. Art and creativity is one of those things.

God Bless

And thou, Solomon my son, know thou the God of thy father, and serve him with a perfect heart and with a willing mind: for the LORD searcheth all hearts, and understandeth all the imaginations of the thoughts: if thou seek him, he will be found of thee; but if thou forsake him, he will cast thee off for ever. 

1Ch 28:9

Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. 

 

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Expanding my world

I’ve been a little quiet this past week on social media, for the first time in a very long time I found that I just wanted to log off for a bit. Since I became ill the online world has provided me a lot of support and distraction but also became a bit of a crutch. I have found though that as I lean on the Lord more and more I find the things I used to need I don’t so much. This is good as it means that I can pop in just purely out of enjoyment and wanting to check in on friends as opposed to needing something to take my mind away from my life.

So what have I been doing? well something I have done a lot this week is go outside…I know. It been amazing. Due to my health and the fact my poor hubby has been holding down jobs (yes, plural), a business, uni as well as caring for me, cooking, cleaning etc has meant our garden became a little neglected. Now I am  feeling stronger, we are getting help with cleaning plus hubbies business is no more together with the wonderful weather we have been having has meant we have been able to get out. There’s still some work to be done but he has done an amazing job and there is actually a garden under all that overgrowth! Who knew ;) I did help and I would like to think I was a help more than a hindrance but I am not so sure.

However while hubby was gardening yesterday I did pop out and did a little drawing something else which Is a first, I really enjoyed it and hope I can do it again soon.

I have also been in a couple of shops this week, this too is pretty amazing! Being in shops is not nice when you get over stimulated easily and some shops are better than others. There’s a lovely little craft shop near us that is small and quiet, no music plus the lighting is good and not too bright so hubby took me there and let me have a few bits. (this was to cheer me up but I will explain about that later). We then tried BNM bargains but that one was harder, busier so we went more or less straight in and out. I also managed to go into Morrisons yesterday, I didn’t go right in but the lighting in there is a lot better than other supermarkets and I feel I might be OK to try at a quieter time to go in properly.

I also went to the hospital, which turned out to be a bit of a shambles as I got the day wrong (hence the treat trip to the craft shop) but they remade my appointment and were very nice about my blunder, even though I wasn’t very nice to myself about it.

I also went for a little walk this past week with my Mum just to the field at the bottom of the road it was such a lovely day we had to take advantage.

So as you can tell, I have been living in real life more and more and I really do hope it continues.

 

It seems of the many many things the Lord is doing for me as well as slowly building my trust in Him and confidence He is also making my relationships healthier and my relationship with the internet is definitely getting better.  I think the internet is wonderful as is social media but I do have to admit I didn’t like how much time I spent on it and how much I used it to help me. My hubby used to joke that my laptop was the window to my world but it wasn’t just that, it was my world.

When I first became a Christian someone told me that the Lord would come through the fog but he has done so much more than that. He has cleared the fog and I am seeing more and more of the world around me again. My world is expanding past my sofa, laptop and phone and it feels amazing.

Gratitude doesn’t even cover it.

God Bless

 

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Wordless Wednesday

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Everyday Matters

In my last post I mentioned that I had found a daily sketchbook project that I have started.

I joined flickr when I first started blogging and have never really bothered too much with to be honest. However I have been going around all my old internet accounts and updating them, deleting old content etc and discovered they had made some changes, plus the app turned out to be a nifty too. So I decided to have a little look about and found the Everyday Matters group. I had already heard of Everyday Matters which was a bit of a sketchbook/journal movement started by Danny Gregory based on his memoirs but as I looked about this time I thought maybe this is something I should give a go to kickstart my sketchbook again.

So using the prompts by Danny Gregory for Everyday Matters I have now done a daily drawing for 14 days, I am pretty pleased with that, I am finding now that I am moving away from the prompts slightly but that is ok, I like to follow where my ideas go if that makes sense and will I think these prompts are a great way to get started again or get some inspiration if I get a little stuck.

So these are some of my drawings so far, the rest are on my flickr page:

Like I said yesterday I deviated a little and I have a different idea for today but we shall see how it goes.

It sure is nice to be in my daily drawing  sketchbook again :)

God Bless

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February

I really enjoyed doing an overview of January so I thought I would do the same again for Feb.

For the shortest month of the year a lot has happened! I still can’t believe how much has happened already this year when for the past 7 years the winter months actually drag on as I feel so ill unable to move off my sofa (if I can get out of bed).

So I thought I would share my instagram pics again.

The month started out with hubby going away for the week, which was a huge thing for both of us, I blogged out it here.

While he was gone, I he left me lots of nice treats and I had a little go at making a weaved bag but I couldn’t get it to work, I will give it another go I think once I work out where I went wrong.

I received a lovely card from an online friend and new post pal while he was gone too.

And I journaled.

I started a new crochet project, which I am still working on, its actually quite a small one but what with other creative stuffs taking priority it is taking me a while.

I did a lot of journaling this month, I have been pretty dizzy for most of the month but no where near as bad as I usually would be.

I’ve been doing uni work – the pic is off the tissue I had left from the mark making I did.

I started a new daily sketchbook project, I popped back onto Flickr as I realized I still had photos on there from that go back to 08. I discovered that you get a lot more space now so I decided to take a look about and found a group with lots of prompts of things to draw in your sketchbook. I will discuss this more later and share my pages so far.

More journaling, I enjoy working in my journal for bible study and in my quiet time.

I went for a walk! yay! I managed to go further than I have in years so was very very happy and grateful.

And lastly, yesterday I managed a to go to the local shop and buy a few bits, amazing!

Other things that have happened this month that I haven’t pictured -

Had another Dr appt and we trying something else to try and help with the head and sinus pressure.

I have been getting help with cleaning and have had help moving some furniture about, (both a bit much for me right now) but this has been such a blessing to me and I have been able to do more little jobs around the house as I no longer feel overwhelmed by it all.

Plus after sitting in the same place for a a few years I am now moving around the house more, sitting in different places, believe me that is huge! When you suffer from constant dizziness and other neurological symptoms your brain has a habit of getting used to certain things and so being in different positions etc take some getting used to. Its hard to explain but the brain is very good at compensating and sometimes that can make it very hard if you still aren’t well and it hasn’t compensated fully as it sticks to one position so when you try to move from the place where your brain is used to being the spinning gets worse. I hope that makes sense. You do have to keep trying to move which is very hard when you aren’t getting any help or treatment but now I am :) The best help of all!

So despite  feeling pretty ill for most of it it’s not been a bad month, it does help to look at the big picture I think as it can feel like I am backsliding when I am just having a rough patch.

Hope you have all had a blessed February and here’s to March! (nearly spring, yay!)

God Bless

 

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Wordless Wednesday

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Uni work and creativeness

This week so far has turned out to be quite a creative one! I’ve done a fair amount of journaling and also some uni work which I want to share today. I was very dizzy last week so most of it was done last weekend.

Black ink using various things to make marks with

At the moment we are exploring mark making which has been fun :) Using various things as inspiration much as words and images and looking at the many different ways to create marks such as block printing and rubbing using different mediums and things to make marks with like sticks and plastic forks.

Block printing using stuff from round the house

I still have a little more to do before we move onto stitching but its moving on nicely. Given me a few ideas for journal pages too :)

Graphite using words as inspiration

Dripping ink (a little Miro inspired this one)

Wet mediums

Blowing ink using a straw

This is all work in my sketchbook as the aim for this part of the course is to build up resource materials and sketchbook work as a basis for working from.

Rubbings

Making marks with collage

This isn’t all of it, there is actually quite a bit more, but I didn’t want to bombard you with any more with photos. ;)

I also started a crochet project last week not been able to work on it a whole lot but hoping to have it finished soon, if it works I think its going to turn out quite nice! I will make sure I share it once it is done :)

What creativeness have you been up to?

 

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Trials

Journal page from last week while hubby was away

I was hoping to write this earlier however this week has turned out to be a pretty dizzy one. Last week however turned out to be an unexpectedly good week.

A few months ago hubby told me he had been asked to go to Amsterdam for the week to big trade show. I will admit I got pretty upset, he hadn’t been away from home since he went to America with work in 2006 and while he was away my dizziness started. So I am sure you can imagine I was afraid. I prayed about it and knew that I couldn’t ask him not to go even though I really really wanted to and I knew that he wouldn’t go if I did. So I said OK. I put my trust in God.

I then put it in the back of my mind, if I am honest I kinda thought it wouldn’t happen. I was worried but I reminded myself that I had help I have never had before in the Lord. I prayed for support and help for that week and I left it there. I soon found people offering to come and stay with me and visit me, I was still scared but that comforted me.

So Monday morning came and I got upset, I didn’t freak out like the the last time though. My sister came to see me in the afternoon and there were no tears we just chatted and actually had a nice time. My Mum came to stay with me most nights which was wonderful as she prayed with me and we talked about the The Lord, I could feel his presence with us. On the Tuesday night we actually walked to the shop!  I was so surprised and we both said we felt like we were on holiday :)

Wednesday I had a friend stay over and my Pastor from church came to see me. I started to feel a bit dizzier by then (which this week has gotten quite a bit worse hence this post being late) but I still had a lovely time with them. Thursday was a harder day as I woke up to a vertigo attack, it was to be expected as I don’t usually go a week without having one. When my friend left I just sat and prayed and the Lord comforted me and helped me though. By the time my Mum came that night I felt better in myself, still pretty dizzy though. That night my sister actually took me out in her car to fetch Mum which was a huge blessing to get out ( I really wasn’t expecting to be able to get out at all that week). Friday afternoon and Tuesday afternoon my little sister came and she always makes me laugh. I have to say I was pretty overwhelmed by how many people wanted to help me, I didn’t ask for any of it. Plus I received lots of support from online friends too. I think I had one wobbly moment in the week and a lovely friend online was there to help.

How I was this time compared to last time was like night and day, just knowing the Lord was there helped me a great deal and He gave me the strength to heat up the meals my hubby left me with hardly any help and just enjoy spending time with those I love. The last time he went away even though I spent time with family I cried almost constantly and couldn’t appreciate being with them. This time was very different.

This has meant I have been able to put a huge fear to rest and that awful experience from when he went to America behind me. I can honestly say last week was a life changing experience for me and healing one. I know I was still ill while he was gone but if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have known if I could have coped with him being away while ill. I know this week wouldn’t have turned out the way it did without the Lords help and that I would have asked him not to go if I hadn’t been guided not too. I am so grateful to Him.

I am grateful to my friends and family too, thank you for being there for me. Considering a year ago I had cut all my family out as I couldn’t cope with seeing them I think we have come a long way. And as I look back I can see all the things the Lord did that felt uncomfortable at the time but have turned out for my own good. I pray I don’t forget this lesson.

God Bless

N.b – Sorry for the poor grammar and bad sentence structure in this post. I hope you understand it ok! 

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Wordless Wednesday

I reached out my hand

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